finally,

i feel good things coming my way.

Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at.

it only took a few short, soft spoken words for you to get inside of my head.
and beneath all of the words i didn't say are all the ones i couldn't bring myself to think.
curious you are, boy.
chivalry at it's finest.


contradictory, love and lust have become old friends of mine.
i don't even know what those words mean anymore.
i won't let my guard down.
i can't become comfortable.
i'm not allowing anyone the least bit of close.
i fear being loved and being wanted,
safe and being whole.
being someone else's baby.
i thought half a year could cure me,
but i'm still wounded, and i'm weary.
and cynical even though i swore to myself i wouldn't be.
i swear i should be an actress.

surrounding my heart, walls have been built.
they speak for me and that's where the bitterness brews.


free will usually gets the best and worst of me.
i know you're already bitter towards me.
they say 'things fall apart so better things can fall together'

but truth is, somethings always falling apart.
and people walk out through the exact same doors they come in.

almosts.

just like those high notes i can't hold and the words i won't bring myself to speak.
simply, delicately, and so attractively....lingering.
they dwell, and twist my toes, my knees, and teeth.
and like you,
they are ghostly.
and just a little too out of my reach.