Just remember,

only God knows if I've changed.

vapor trails.

I was born with an awful curse, I see multiple versions of myself.

by see I don’t mean visualize or imagine, or anything remotely metaphorical.

I mean I fucking see them.

they live where I live.

they do everything that I’ve done.

they’ll do everything that I’ll do.

they eat, laugh, run, scream, dance, fight, fuck, dream.

are we’re all crammed in the same spinning continuum,

we all somehow think that we’re the ones running the show.

oh, how wrong we are.

sometimes I’ll go an entire week without seeing one of me,

and I’ll get lonely.

but inevitably, I end up around the very next corner,

and I become relieved at the odd company.

we run about each other like vapor trails,

brushing shoulders as we pass, knowingly making eye contact.

we’re simultaneously background casting in this movie I call my life,

my reckless journey,

my beautiful disaster,

or atleast what it's in the making of.

I said I've got the lines if you'd like to hear it,

I can't decide if you'd like to be there, too.

save your scissors for someone else's skin

oh, how things change

what are "things' anyway?

people, beliefs, feelings, passion?

its all neverending

at least it seems

looking back, im no different

and when i say that i mean im completely different

always

the past years have shaped me

and im really hoping more takes place

cause i still feel some emptiness now and then

 but its just that, that makes me feel like im living

without angst, and sorrow, and temperment

i wouldnt be strong

although im not half as strong as people think

people tell me im too nice

people tell me ive got shitty friends

tell me, whats your story?

do you have one, or are you just too busy knit picking mine?

i say, it is what it is..........

ill make changes on my own time

maybe next time will be the right time?

maybe next time, will be your time

save your strength

save your wasted time

destroy what destroys you

here's to another sleepless night

thanks to my overthinking, the 39g of sugar from my Arizona,
and the back to back kickass songs on this pandora station.


so chilled right now,
and for once in the longest time,
i actually want to be alone
and not just tonight, i need a moderately long break
from everyone and everything
i need everyone out of my business
and certainly out of my head
i just need me right now
god, it's been way too long


only a few days left here
and damn, i'm going to miss you, milwaukee
you've caused me quite some trouble,
your distance ended a few relationships,
and you're definately to blame for all the heartache,
bruises, and rough mornings
but all results from hella good times


why does there always gotta be a downfall?
honestly, college has poisoned me
i'm different once i pass the city borders
but i'm ready to turn it all around
i'm ready to get my shit together


maybe it was you who opened my eyes
i couldn't say
i couldn't know you any less
maybe you'll be my very own downfall
maybe i'll fall all over again


i'm waiting for someone to save me
and make this chaos become my old ways

i know i haven't met you yet,
but i know i need you
I need to love you, and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
i hope we come close, and i'll fear you
and be afraid to tell you all that i've done
will you be done forgiving?
or will you look pass my pretending?


lord i'm so tired of defending what i've become
what have i become?

the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned is this for real?
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend

these times are timeless...

and i'm just waiting for you to come and find me.