Keeping it real in comparison to what?

i've been having the time of my life
finally doing things for myself, and its never felt soooo good
who knew how much you held me back from being this happy
i guess the good times mustve been the times i missed?
baby youre pretty, but im pretty sure im over you

i wish this city never slept
i wish it wasnt so damn cold out
i wish i hadnt have lost my new coat over this drunken weekend
haha dammit, can i have a million more wishes?

but as for shit getting 'real'
ive never been more prepared or pumped
i hope everyone around me knows how crazy its gonna be
i just really wish it was spring
just so summer can be a few inches closer
cant wait for chicago, sundresses, and barefeet on warm pavement
mmmmm, fast forward button? preaseee?
haha dream on, rach

as for  potential lovers out there
don't complicate me by hesitation
you've got wits, you've got looks
you've got passion,
but I swear that you've got me all wrong
come find me

and as my friends go
i cant tell you bitches enough how much you mean to me
ill be here cause i know you need it
even though you might not deserve it
but ive been there before, and i know that only time can mend
youre so lost and dazed, jkashf i feel your pain.
looking for the future and begging for the past
i hope these good times last

so cheers to a new semester
new faces and places
and everything inbetween

i'm holding onto a fairytale,
were moving forward, but we're not there yet

I put all of my faith

INTO ALL OF YOUR BULLSHIT.



I can't even type, say, scream 'fuck you' enough times
to actually express how much i hate you
and your voice, your awkward step
and the past two and a half years i put up with you
When you see my face
hope it gives you fucking hell

And now i'm gonna be bitter
about boys that are even just an inch like you
and love, in general
Can't wait til you hear about me
Can't say im not gonna get a little out of hand

Cheaters never win, bitch.
Hope she was worth it.

You know i've got you like a puppet in the palm of my hand

first impressions and pounding walls
they're paper thin and i just wish you'd call
and say the words i've been waiting for
i might hear them afterward
but it won't matter then
shit


dont blink, cause they wont even miss you at all
i'll be there just to watch you fall


i can't see you when you're facing the wrong way
not just gonna turn you around and force things to be okay
because somethings lacking
and you're breaking day by day
im an actress when it comes to tranquilty
im a fool when it comes to love

countlessly destructing yourself and the ones around you
they'll find you out sooner or later
how many times will you break til you shatter?
pathetic, and not sorry for being rude or blunt or mean
cause you were a thousand times worse
check yourself before you wreck yourself, boy

so run like hell
sleep with one eye open
i can't forgive or forget you
i'll tell everyone the damage done
deep down you can't stop me
i've got nothing to lose

Never thought we'd get to this point

avoiding the eyes i used to lose myself in?

handshakes instead of hugs,

and last words instead of conversation.


maybe by the time i see you next, i'll actually like coffee
chai seems to give me a stomach ache.
or maybe it's just you.

I wish i wasn't so bad at taking compliments

Sittin in Bruegger's, enjoying breakfast before going to mil
and laughing about nothing really

soooo, the usual?

Chelseas in sweats and im reppin a t-shirt and a beanie

both kinda lookin like hell, it was pretty early

An old lady who had been sitting across from us

approaches us and says,

"Excuse me girls, i didn't mean to be staring... but

it's really nice to see that there are still girls out there
that are naturally beautiful

i mean, you girls could just roll out of bed and still look wonderful

you two have a nice day"

nicest thing a strangers ever said to me?

i think so

thanks for the uplift you old hoot

I wonder how I'll stay strong. I'll keep driving these dark highway lines

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnLULIGekIA

speaking through lyrics for awhile
i'm alright with this

9.17.08

but it's hard sometimes, to make everything seem alright

watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love, but rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along. 

i promise you it was worth it.

Somehow it's enough

you pretend that you're sorry
and i pretend that words can mend
but you're not
and they don't

but i'll keep wearing this fabricated smile
begin a thousand meaningless conversations
hold my breath and wait for your reaction
lose myself in your blank eyes
and pretend that we're still strong

i think you're wrong
i think i'm wired this way

Leave your things behind, it's all going on without you

Cmon. Please listen to me?
You gotta let go of life
of routine

and always being stuck in the same place again
feeling like you're wasting your time
feeling awkward
inadequate
being this young and already feeling shriveled up and dead
let go of the emptiness that holds over you

fuck anger
fuck bitterness
and not being numb enough
this song that's stuck in my head
self-loathing
feelings
reasons
fuck not making sense


You make me want to get my shit together
I'm positive I could say this in a more romantic way
but i'm just gonna leave it at that
And i wouldn't want it any different

'Smoke and mirrors' is an understatement

for how ive been feeling the past few weeks
i dont know if its just because im back in this town
correction; ghost town
but im begging to just slip away from all of it
this place, and my thoughts, pretty much all of my surroundings
physical and mental
i wanna free fall, out into nothing


i keep saying to myself
"its just a phase, itll blow over soon"
but im beginning to realize, that shit is changing whether i like it or not
i think it started awhile ago, i must have been too busy to watch it happen
im falling down again
for you?
alskdjfskdfjaskdjfsjdhafjashdfkjsd

quite honestly, i dont really wanna think, talk, question..... any of it.
nobody really seems to give a damn anyway,
but ya know im used to it
im artlessly content

i hold my breath and sigh, and pass the one i cant deny

one day i know everything inside and out and the next its like it was all just a dream
if only i could sleep all day
well, maybe 20 out of the 24 hours
gotta eat and socialize, haha
coolthanks.

So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing.....captivating

I am vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself


on to the next one

These changes

they arent changing me,
the bright eyed girl i used to be
and i'd smile through those eyes because i hated my teeth
high socks, long braids, and grass stained knees.


back then there was still some innocence,
back when i was just a little lover.

but years have passed and seasons have changed
and you claim to say i'm not the same
trust me boy, i sure as hell am the same
if not even more "me" than i've ever been in my entire life
i finally feel alive in this shit hole
i see it's beauty more and more every dawning day
i've fallen in love with humanity, flaws, and heartache
and i'm done being pushed around
i''ve always been too nice
so go ahead, keep stepping on me
bring up your ratty shoe and you won't see shit
i've broken the chains that have kept me over the years
all that fucking control
you should've known this day would come


i guess this is just another lesson to be learned
you win some you lose some, more loss in this case
but its not like i need someone around
telling me what to become and where to be once dusk comes
i'm tired of running around the same old walls that i know aren't coming down
you've got to go with the motion
can you feel it in your bones?


they have no idea whats goin' on rachel
hold onto this
embrace it

note to be made, this will only take a sec:
i've come to the conclusion that i cant write a single word unless a beautiful song is on.

the ways to un-grasp what we call reality. escape.

i'll always love you, Ace.

thanks for getting me through highschool hell,

heres to another year.

cheers.